To: Bash
From: Totilo

Why did you all warn me that Kotaku commenters might be mean to me? They’ve been so nice. And classy. They clearly don’t mind that I work for The Man. That I’m the reason they can no longer watch music videos on TV. That I am clearly biased toward one of the major consoles (the one that’s skinner than it is long).

These Kotaku readers are nice, decent people.

And decent people deserve answers.

Herewith, the answers to the Kotaku Aptitude Test:

1. True
2. Moore = Anti-Americanism, Ketchup Lady = Gamer Anticipation, Horse = Xbox Chip, Crying Baby = PS3 Too Complex, Corn Nuts = Online Ads
3. C
4. All are fake (three are from Joystiq; one’s made up)
5. I don’t know… green?
6. 1
7. Circle
8. LA
9. 3SnakeEater
10. Totilo. Is. Too Damn Hot.

I think anyone who got a perfect score should be eligible for either guest-editing or an asylum.

What you (and the dude on the cruise) missed:

Sony Lost Over $3 Billion To PS3 Cost, Pricing Imbalance
Gabe Newell: Left 4 Dead is All About Directing Action
Nintendo Channel Reveals Hard Truths About Wii Play, Boom Blox, More
Industry Apologetics: It’s Not Just A Game